Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
