Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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