and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
