last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
