Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
