I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
