I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
