The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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