just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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