I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
