i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
