You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
