These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
