"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
