My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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