Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize