Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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