It's Friday. Sex?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
