dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so let's talk penis.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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