Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
