my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if only i could text you this smell
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
