Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
