if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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