fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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