wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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