If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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