a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love having hate sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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