Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
