at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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