You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize