Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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