I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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