It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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