what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
