Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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