Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
