The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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