Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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