The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
