Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the condom got lost in my hair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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