I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
