What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize