I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
