I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Say something about gay babies.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
