So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
