I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
