I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
