She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's get the cat blown out
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
