I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
