The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize