I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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