So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
