we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
