i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
