Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
