she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
