I love black thongs
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
