i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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