we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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