Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
