I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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