We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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